Triggers
We’ve recently braved travelling abroad with the children for the first time.
Staying away from home is a challenge for us all, and is an area where we’ve been gradually building up their tolerance over the past year or so. We started off with one night away at my parents’ house and have very gradually increased the number of nights. We’re up to three nights now, so the time felt right to attempt a trip to see their other set of grandparents, who live abroad.
The trip involved a number of firsts… namely their first trip abroad, and their first time on a plane, and we’d done a lot of thinking about possible triggers and had planned accordingly. We paid a bit extra to secure a sensibly timed flight from a small airport not too far away and created a plan together of how we’d get there, what the flight would be like, some of the things we’d do while away, and how we’d get back. We made both of the children visual planners to track how long we’d be away and how close we were to going home, and made sure that the pictures on this reflected the fact that we’d all be going home together. We packed some familiar things to remind them of home and to ensure they had some reassuring sights and smells to hand (within the constraints of hand luggage only fares!). We’d also prepared for them to be in sensory overload and took chew necklaces and ear defenders. Both children were clearly anxious about the trip but we felt we’d done as much as we could to help it go smoothly.
The careful planning went to pot slightly when we woke up on the day of our flight to find out that the airport we were supposed to be flying from had had to close, and we’d been rebooked on a flight from a much bigger and busier airport later that evening. There was nothing to be done about it except rewrite the plan and the children coped admirably, given they’d never flown before and would normally be tucked up in bed at the point our rescheduled flight took off. They loved the flight, which was a relief…. Not sure the rest of the plane particularly enjoyed Tiny screaming with excitement at take off, but I’m also sure they didn’t realise how much worse it could have been!
The one trigger we didn’t plan for however and which took us completely by surprise was how closely a foreign holiday would emulate Little’s experience of entering care. English was not spoken in her birth family, so when she came into care, aged 3, not only was she in a strange house with strange people and strange smells, but she was also unable to understand a word of what was said to her or make herself understood. Her foster carer tells stories (which all parties are now able to laugh at) of Little throwing things at her in frustration at not being able to communicate but at the time it must have been anything but amusing for Little. And watching her face at breakfast that first day, when everything around her was disconcertingly different and her ears were full of a language she couldn’t understand, it all suddenly clicked into place for me.
She’s been a ball of anxiety all holiday. It’s so frustrating, for her and us, as I can tell that she really wants to have fun, but she just can’t. She’s on too high alert to be able to let her guard down and she’s also come down with a cold which doesn’t help matters. The good news is she’s able to recognise her anxiety and come to us for comfort which is definitely progress, as someone would definitely have got hit several times a day a few months ago. But it’s definitely given us food for thought. We both speak the language here, so have been able to obsessively translate everything for her, but that won’t always be the case. We’ll need to do a fair bit of anticipation and preparation with her before we go abroad again, but at least now that we’re aware of the trigger, we can factor it into the plan.
I tweeted while packing about all the extra bumph we’ve had to bring with us (not to be confused of course with the bumph that comes with travelling with any young child). We’re prepared for regression (baby bottles and a child carrier), sensory overload (chew toys and ear defenders), emotional overload (emotion flashcards and therapeutic story books) and aids to help with the change in routine and lack of familiarity (visual planners and their intros books). We’ve not needed to use most of the stuff (although the visual planners were definitely a winner), but knowing the children and their potential triggers, I wouldn’t have wanted to risk leaving anything at home, and would bring the same again next time.
The big surprise of the trip is that Tiny has had a great time. He was super anxious about it all beforehand and made no secret of the fact that he’d have much rather stayed at home. Of the two of them, he’s usually the more routine dependent, and definitely the more hesitant around new experiences. He’s also usually a lot shyer than Little although you wouldn’t have known it today, watching him chatting away to a new relative that he’d only met 10 minutes previously, while Little huddled miserably on one of our laps.
We’re so proud of how well they’ve both managed things. We’re home tomorrow and who knows what’s to come in terms of fallout. But what I do know is that a year ago we couldn’t have even contemplated a trip like this. There’s definitely something in the saying that with knowledge comes power; while knowing their triggers doesn’t guarantee us an easy ride, it does at least allow us to predict what might be a problem and stay one step ahead of the storm (some of the time at least!). But as we’ve learnt this week, there are probably many more triggers to come to the fore and I can only hope that we are able to recognise them as and when they make themselves known.
Staying away from home is a challenge for us all, and is an area where we’ve been gradually building up their tolerance over the past year or so. We started off with one night away at my parents’ house and have very gradually increased the number of nights. We’re up to three nights now, so the time felt right to attempt a trip to see their other set of grandparents, who live abroad.
The trip involved a number of firsts… namely their first trip abroad, and their first time on a plane, and we’d done a lot of thinking about possible triggers and had planned accordingly. We paid a bit extra to secure a sensibly timed flight from a small airport not too far away and created a plan together of how we’d get there, what the flight would be like, some of the things we’d do while away, and how we’d get back. We made both of the children visual planners to track how long we’d be away and how close we were to going home, and made sure that the pictures on this reflected the fact that we’d all be going home together. We packed some familiar things to remind them of home and to ensure they had some reassuring sights and smells to hand (within the constraints of hand luggage only fares!). We’d also prepared for them to be in sensory overload and took chew necklaces and ear defenders. Both children were clearly anxious about the trip but we felt we’d done as much as we could to help it go smoothly.
The careful planning went to pot slightly when we woke up on the day of our flight to find out that the airport we were supposed to be flying from had had to close, and we’d been rebooked on a flight from a much bigger and busier airport later that evening. There was nothing to be done about it except rewrite the plan and the children coped admirably, given they’d never flown before and would normally be tucked up in bed at the point our rescheduled flight took off. They loved the flight, which was a relief…. Not sure the rest of the plane particularly enjoyed Tiny screaming with excitement at take off, but I’m also sure they didn’t realise how much worse it could have been!
The one trigger we didn’t plan for however and which took us completely by surprise was how closely a foreign holiday would emulate Little’s experience of entering care. English was not spoken in her birth family, so when she came into care, aged 3, not only was she in a strange house with strange people and strange smells, but she was also unable to understand a word of what was said to her or make herself understood. Her foster carer tells stories (which all parties are now able to laugh at) of Little throwing things at her in frustration at not being able to communicate but at the time it must have been anything but amusing for Little. And watching her face at breakfast that first day, when everything around her was disconcertingly different and her ears were full of a language she couldn’t understand, it all suddenly clicked into place for me.
She’s been a ball of anxiety all holiday. It’s so frustrating, for her and us, as I can tell that she really wants to have fun, but she just can’t. She’s on too high alert to be able to let her guard down and she’s also come down with a cold which doesn’t help matters. The good news is she’s able to recognise her anxiety and come to us for comfort which is definitely progress, as someone would definitely have got hit several times a day a few months ago. But it’s definitely given us food for thought. We both speak the language here, so have been able to obsessively translate everything for her, but that won’t always be the case. We’ll need to do a fair bit of anticipation and preparation with her before we go abroad again, but at least now that we’re aware of the trigger, we can factor it into the plan.
I tweeted while packing about all the extra bumph we’ve had to bring with us (not to be confused of course with the bumph that comes with travelling with any young child). We’re prepared for regression (baby bottles and a child carrier), sensory overload (chew toys and ear defenders), emotional overload (emotion flashcards and therapeutic story books) and aids to help with the change in routine and lack of familiarity (visual planners and their intros books). We’ve not needed to use most of the stuff (although the visual planners were definitely a winner), but knowing the children and their potential triggers, I wouldn’t have wanted to risk leaving anything at home, and would bring the same again next time.
The big surprise of the trip is that Tiny has had a great time. He was super anxious about it all beforehand and made no secret of the fact that he’d have much rather stayed at home. Of the two of them, he’s usually the more routine dependent, and definitely the more hesitant around new experiences. He’s also usually a lot shyer than Little although you wouldn’t have known it today, watching him chatting away to a new relative that he’d only met 10 minutes previously, while Little huddled miserably on one of our laps.
We’re so proud of how well they’ve both managed things. We’re home tomorrow and who knows what’s to come in terms of fallout. But what I do know is that a year ago we couldn’t have even contemplated a trip like this. There’s definitely something in the saying that with knowledge comes power; while knowing their triggers doesn’t guarantee us an easy ride, it does at least allow us to predict what might be a problem and stay one step ahead of the storm (some of the time at least!). But as we’ve learnt this week, there are probably many more triggers to come to the fore and I can only hope that we are able to recognise them as and when they make themselves known.
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